As I age, I realize how important it is to stay positive and find joy in little things.
This. This is hard!
When I first realized that I needed to be tested on Saturday, I was in denial. Maybe it was a sinus infection. I’d be back to normal in a couple days. The good Doctor nixed that idea on Monday. He was pretty confident I had been infected.
On Tuesday I received a positive COVID result. Still I was upbeat. This isn’t going to ruin my holiday! I will find a way to stay upbeat and positive!
Then it sets in that I have a wife and daughter to worry about. My wife is facing a 20-24 day quarantine in order to stay in the house with me. My younger daughter, who is immuno compromised, shouldn’t take a chance of being in the same house although she would be a ‘close contact’ based on DoH guidelines. She has moved into the camper!
This is what my Christmas will probably look like. My wife and I eating our traditional Christmas Eve dinner alone. We’ll take the younger a plate. Maybe we can Zoom together!
Tomorrow we may start a fire in our new fire pit so we can all stand outside and open presents together. Who could have imagined! But then, back to our separate hideaways to await testing results on the wife and the younger.
Worst is we won’t see our Pittsburgh area families. In November we conscientiously decided not to travel there for Thanksgiving so we haven’t seen them since summer. We thought it was the right choice then but it hurts more now.
I’m not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me. I actually was hoping it would be cathartic (it’s not!). People have it way worse than us. For some, what I have described would be a blessing. Luckily I am not very ill. I still have family. I have a quarantine camper!
My real reason for writing this is to try to convey the number of emotions that this event has brought about:
Sadness: Immediately when I got my diagnosis I couldn’t hold back tears. I’m not sure what that emotion was. I cried as I texted my family and I cried when I emailed my staff. I wasn’t thinking about myself but how this would impact everyone else.
Anger: I just wanted to say ‘F’ everyone who isn’t taking precautions! I know I’m not perfect but I feel I’ve made responsible decisions to protect me and my family.
Fear: A few hours into this I remembered that people, in fact, die from this disease!
Worry: Mostly for the younger but also for my wife and anyone else I may have spread the virus to. My symptoms have been mild for whatever reason. That doesn’t mean that everyone else’s symptoms will be.
I’m not even sure how to wrap this post up! I feel like I just threw up everything that was on my mind onto the computer.
I guess what I will say is this: Keep in mind that this Christmas is going to suck for a lot of families. When you post bullshit about how restrictions are curbing your holidays, remember that some families are experiencing a real impact! Some families have lost members to this disease! Some families will Zoom or see their loved one through a window as they have for months! That is hardship! Not the fact that you can’t sit at a bar!